just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I got inside last night via doggy door
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
