Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
