last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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