I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
