p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
