Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
