I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
