MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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