Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
