She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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