last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
