I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
