Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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