We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
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That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
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In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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