My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
