the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
