so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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