i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
