i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
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You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
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Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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