I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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