Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
