You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
