Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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