their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
