It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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