You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
