i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
What did we do last night that was yellow?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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