Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
