You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
