I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
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Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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