This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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