Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
