you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
