She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
