I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
