I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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