Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
