Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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