He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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