PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
