He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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