I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
