I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize