why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
