I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
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I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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