Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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