I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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