Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
