I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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