went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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