at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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