so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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