I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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