i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize