This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
