I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
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I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
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So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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