How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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