i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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