Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
