he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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