maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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