We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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