I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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