We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
