So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
