The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
