You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
