I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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