You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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