Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
