we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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