On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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