Small penises have feelings too.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
