After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
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i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
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I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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