Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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