That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
