guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
