well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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